Jab We Met

Great movie. A light hearted romantic movie, 2 really good performances. And apart from that, just one other thing - Shahid is looking very sexy, very smart, and simply irresistible!

Insanity

Is it necessary, (and okay?) to sometimes act totally insane in order to preserve your sanity? To make unrealistic demands, give in to illogical reasoning, and insist on the irrational? To give vent to all depressing feelings, albeit in the confines of your room?
I guess it is.. Makes you feel like you are 5 again, and even if its just momentary, gives you a feeling of freedom and relief afterwards!

Finished Silence of the Lambs - in one go (though that didn't help me in any way in staying awake in college yesterday :| ), and I must say it was totally worth staying up till 5, and being at the receiving end of Mayur's tirade for coming late to college.
Anyways, the book deals with psychiatry, more specifically, a psychotic serial killer and a homicidal genius. The entire plot , character development, and mind play demonstrated throughout the books is marvelous, even if bizarre in a way, and I'm totally looking forward to seeing the movie now.

My current obsession is psychiatry, and I'm also reading a couple of books related to it right now. (Again - got myself into trouble over reading one in class :| ) But that made Silence of the Lambs even more itneresting, though I guess this is another of my obsessions which will fade away in a couple of weeks!!

Next on my list to read - The Hobbit. Though I doubt I'll be so enthu as to put in even a partial nightout to read it at a stretch. But felt great to be back to reading books, full-fledged, in the middle of a hectic sem!!

It was yesterday, after ages and ages, that I read a book of 500 pages at almost a stretch. I have always been a bookworm and earlier, used to read on an average a book every week. And for me, there was no concept of reading a book over a period of time. Any barely-readable book in my hand, and my mom would have considerable difficulty in getting me to eat on time.

But in the past year or so, these instances of being transported to another world totally, dwindled to almost nothing. And so, yesterday, I felt amazing for having wasted so much time, sleep, and getting my mom mad at me - even though it wasn't too good a novel. Anyways, having finished "The Class" now, I have an incredible book in my hands - The Silence of The Lambs. And it comes in the category of those "un-putdownable" books.

Starting with the book now...

The Dancing Girl

Came across this really interesting gif today. It is claimed here that if you see the girl spinning anticlockwise, you use your left brain more than your right brain, and vice-versa if you see her spinning clockwise. That claim notwithstanding, I was quite intrigued to find out how exactly the animation can seem to move in both directions. A little bit of practice later, I was able to make her spin in either direction at will. Here's what you can try to control her direction in case you are unable to do so -
1. The simplest way would be to look away for a while and look back, and decide that you want to see her spin in a particular direction. That often works.
2. More specifically, decide that her left leg is in the air if you want to see her spin clockwise.
3. What worked best for me was looking at the shadow of her leg. If you focus on it continuously without looking at the entire image. you will notice that all it does is move from left to right, then right to left. In other words. if you tell yourself to concentrate on the left to right motion of the shadow and imagine her leg to be reversed during the right to left motion, you can control the direction of the dancer with great ease.

This led me to look up on a few things about how exactly it works, though point #3 above gives us a fair idea about what is happening. Since it's a silhouette, at no point can you tell whether the dancer is facing you, or facing away from you. That depends on your perception at that particular moment, and hence the direction of her motion also depends on your perception at that time.

Since I'm lukhha in life anyways, here's a few more links that were very interesting.
Here are a few comments about what people say about the illusion, and while some are quite insightful, most are just pretty stupid.
This is a paper recommended for understanding the phenomenon involved, albeit it went almost completely over my head. However the paper provides a compilation of various such perceptual rivalry phenomenon examples with some explanations here.
The animated necker cube, in particular, provides a visual and compelling explanation of illusions like these. Among the more astonishing illusions were Dale's Colour Cross (Do check the stepwise background removal), Dale Purves Illusion, Logveninko's Illusion, and the typical Checker Shadow Illusion that's been doing the rounds of internet recently.

Top 5 reasons why Pune traffic is so bad (or rather, why I hate it so much)

• Simply, far too many vehicles in the city.
  
• PMT bus drivers driving as if they are on a two-wheeler, and not in a huge bus.
• Autorickshawallas scavenging for fares along the sides of real small roads.
• All vehicles, irrespective of their dimensions, cutting through lanes as and when they please.
• The never-ending processions. I honestly wonder what these people keep celebrating all the time!

Inertia

I have way too much inertia - I'm totally loathe to changing whatever activity I'm engaged in at any moment, even if it isn't halfway interesting. Always wondered why, and still don't have clue!

The 'S' factor

Very arbit - but just noticed that 8 out of 10 people I have linked to from my blog have names starting with the letter 'S'!

It feels amazing when..

When your 5 year old cousin sis falls asleep in your arms.
When a school friend suddenly calls up after a long time, you meet up, and take off as if the 2 year gap in between was never there..
In a heavy traffic jam you are idly sitting on your vehicle staring around, getting bugged, and a small kid enthusiastically waves and smiles at you from inside a car..

Arbit

I am prone to extreme feelings a lot. And contradictarily, (or maybe not) I tend to foget the bad ones very fast too.
I am unbelievably optimistic, or some things just don't register.
I can never remember the exact feelings of times when I was physically/emotionally hurt. Remebering the good times seems much easier, somehow.
I can be incredibly understanding one day, and flying into a temper for no reason the next.
I am not meant and made for driving any kind of vehicle, nor do I enjoy it.
My road and direction sense must be the worst among all people I know.
I can fall asleep absolutely anywhere and anytime.
Kiterunner is a fantastic book.

Just One Of Those Days

There are some days, when you feel everything is going great, things could not have been better, and the smallest of things brings a smile on your face.
And then there are some other days.
Today was one of them. Nothing seems right, you feel lost, confused, hopeless, dejected, and as if the entire world is conspiring against you. Small things become irritating, big things bring despair. Just when you feel as if you could use some love and warmth in life, there seems to be none forthcoming. You feel you don't have friends, and no one has any time.
Just when you feel like having a having a really good conversation with someone, there is no one online. People are either wrapped up in their own problems, or worse still, simply don't understand nor care.
You feel like crying for no reason whatsover, and cannot because everyone around will pester you with a thousand questions, for which you have no answers.
Eating choocolate doesn't help, nor does thinking about having an entire cad b. (People who know me know that is really rare!)
And then you think, and you think some more, and realise that perhaps you are thinking far too much about yourself and being too selfish. And the day seems ten times as worse...

Bigotry - 1

I saw the movie Metro recently - was a great movie, overall. Irrfan Khan and Konkona were really good, made the movie worth watching!

Spoiler Warning- Anyone who cares about waching the movie, dont read this post, its got half the story. For those who already have read it before - sorry!

However I'm not the type to write movie reviews and stuff, far from it actually. What struck me in the movie, however, was the kind of attitude displayed by Shilpa's husband, the character Ranjeet (Kay Kay Menon) in the movie.
First of all, he's having an afair with a 20-something in his office, and been sleeping with her for a long time. This causes him no qualms at all, in fact he thinks he deserves it, blaming Shilpa for his unhappiness in marriage. So, far, still ok. Later in the movie, he thinks that Shilpa has come to know about the affair. Now he starts acting up, says sorry, asks her to forgive him, says it was 'just a mistake', and claims that since there was no emotional involvement, everything is fine!! Even now, you might be tempted to give him the benefit of doubt, thinking that he is truly repentant. Shilpa however, had no idea of all this, and she had been upset about something else - her own attraction towards another guy. She now says pretty much the same things that Ranjeet had said, with the difference that her 'affair' consisted only of meting that guy over a few weeks. At this, Ranjeet flares up, and starts accusing her of anything and everything, saying he will not tolerate this kind of behaviour, No matter that just a few minutes ago, he was begging her forgiveness for the same kind of, or probably a graver 'mistake'. His huge male ego hurt, he storms out of the house. It's bad enough at this point, but typical Indian male behaviour nonetheless.
Later, when the chick decides to leave him (as obviously she should have long back, since he was just using her anyways ) he now comes back to his wife, expecting an open armed welcome!! What a chauvinist pig! The bad part is, Shilpa really takes him back into her life, choosing 'marriage' over Shiny Ahuja, the guy she had a kinda affair with. Why she does that, was beyond me... I suppose the whole 'Indian Marriage' should survive kinda thing.
And the point is, so many guys still have this warped definition of loyalty, what is expected from a woman is so totally different from what's expected from a man! Totally sucks...

The way I have (hopefully) completed this sem, I dont think I can ever be a good engineer.
Feeling depressed in life though I dont deserve to be...

Road Rage

Everything's been said and nothing done about the state of roads in Pune. They keep going from bad to worse, and when you think it can't possibly get worse that the state they are in, the PMC promptly obliges by digging up a few more! Curently Karve road has been dug up, so has Paud road, parts of Law college road - to sum it up, making life hell for someone like me who has totravel from Kothrud to COEP everyday :( And rains now, to add to our woes. Came across this wonderful pic that says it all - from this site. A picture indeed, worth a thousand words this one..

Coming back to an empty house...

...was something I had never done, till a few days back.

Having grown in a family with a grandmom, this concept was completely alien to me. She was always there, kind of like a constant factor even if everything else changed. For the last few months though, she was completely bedridden, and yet the fact remained that she was there, a reassuring presence if nothing else. She passed away a month back, and I still cannot get used to coming home and seeing the empty room.

Had one of these really interesting and insightful discussions with Sangram a few days back, which made me write this post in the first place. The conversation started off quite normally, but then veered towards the Virginia shoot out, and ended up at how people generally react to someone close/not so close to them dying. I have always thought that I am more indifferent than most people, call it less sensitive, hard hearted, or anything else you like. But I generally never get emotional about something too easily. It was probably true of the time when aaji passed away too. The tears did not come for a long time. I was possibly the only one among my cousins to be so composed. And it was eating me from inside... Why did I not feel about it as much as all of them? I tried reasoning with myself-it was not really a shock for me, having been with her all of that morning, maybe it was just the fact that I was there all along, and when everyone else came, I was consoling others rather than crying myself. But inspite of it all, it still bothered me.

And then I had that discussion sometime later with Sangram, during which I realised that it is very natural to react the way I did perhaps. How does someone's death really affect us? Missing the person in your day-to-day life, going over all the memories, regretting things you did not do... And the practical aspects are as important as the emotional ones. Small things remind me again and again that aaji is no longer here-stuff like leaving for an exam and habitually going to her room, namaskar karayla...

For almost 2-3 years, aaji has been quite ill. There were so many things she gradually stopped doing - she always used to tell me (when I was younger) and my sis stories at bedtime, she used to prepare our dabbas for school, it was always aaji, and nt my mom, who would prepare ambatvaran coz we both liked her's so much beter than mom's! All this stopped years back, but I remember it all now. It's strange really, but its her death which caused me to think about all of those things i missed, I never missed them when she was here.

And its been a long enough senti post, so I'll wrap it up with just this - life always goes on no matter what... I am not too un-emotional, or atleast not the only one who is. And I prefer it this way infinitely rather than wallowing in hypocritical grief. There are moments when I get emotional too, but they are few and far between, and I prefer it that way!

Fatal Error hJc93 (What the heck!!)

Finally finished our proj today :)
And since I had a lot of time as a result, found the article below on my comp. I'd written it in a bout of frustration when I was doing an intern in the last hols. Could identify with it again since I'v been working in matlab for the past month for the project..

“What’s in a name” proclaimed Shakespeare grandly!! Ahhh… What did he know?? I don’t think he ever got a fatal error titled hjc93…something something because of a name repetition in the top level and a sub-sub- ( I think 5 subs) module of any programming language. Now incidentally, I had even forgotten that the module exists, so knowing and avoiding the signal name repetition was completely out of question. And why that dim-witted thing couldn’t simply state such a simple fact instead of giving an unfathomable fatal error, is totally beyond me!!
The computer I currently work with has helped me dispel a lot of myths I had about computers. As a sweet innocent kid, uninitiated to the world of these machines, I used to believe lots of good things about them. My eyes now opened, I put forth in front of you a few common misconceptions we have about comps:

Myth #1: Computers never get tired.

Reality : Remember this was one of the first things we were taught in school about the advantages of computer? It couldn’t be more wrong. I mean, what else would you say about a computer which disconnects net connection on its own after about half an hour, consistently, everyday… and then, when I leave it alone and untouched for a while, it obliges me again and lets me sit online for another half an hour. That is a classic symptom of tiredness if anything ever was!!!


Myth #2: Computers are very fast.

Reality : Well, I agree most computers are, but my computer? Ha-ha no way!! It’s still a big mystery why a 2.4 GHz Pentium 4 with 256 Mb RAM would take (no exaggeration) 15 minutes to perform a simple task like closing a word document!!


Myth #3: Computers are accurate and precise.

Reality : Accurate they might be, but precise??? No ways!! One moment, it gives me the right result, and the second moment, without me making any changes; it gives me that favourite fatal error!!!

Myth #4: Computers DO NOT have feelings.

Reality : Now that’s a positive untruth. My office computer, very surely, hates me. It has mood swings, and it goes through emotional highs and lows! It’ll work fine all morning; give no errors, atleast give proper logical reasons for whatever errors it does give. Then in the afternoon, it will simply go crazy. I do everything in my capacity to cajole it back into working fine, I switch it off twice, I restart it once, I pray to the god of all things electrical… but to no avail. It stubbornly persists in giving me its favourite fatal error, and closing all applications suddenly without warning!! And then to make me feel worse still, as soon as I call any senior to check what’s wrong with it, it will start working perfectly fine and act docile again.


All said and done, inspite of ranting so much I immensely enjoyed the intern as well as working on the proj this time... But I really think someone should do some research on all different types of errors in various softwares and state in simple english language what they really mean!!

Stopping by woods on a snowy evening

A total copy-paste post this one is. I realised that I did start the blog at a wrong time. Perhaps should have waited till the end semesters started. With all the project work and stuff, all I can think of writing revolves around matlab and the traffic in Pune (more on that later) Anyways here is what I wanted to share.

Was reading this frustration-inspired poem on Shantanu's blog today. And since I was in a mood to waste time anyways, read the original again after ages. I have been in a poem appreciating mood since I wrote one during the exams, so went ahead and read this article about it and its interpretation. Felt wonderful about raading and appreciating poems after a long long time. Do check it out.

Me.. and a poem!!

I never ever thought in my wildest dreams that I could possibly write a poem, and one so serious at that! Again - as I said in my previous post - the exam effect!
Anyways here's the poem -

A hurricane…
Questions burst forth – and crowd the mind
No answers in sight
And we continue living, like we always did.

A heart-rending wail here, a brave smile there
Their positions – inexplicably interchanged
From there comes a realization…
Its pain for the other,
But for the first, a helpless curse of watching that pain.

We are so detached –
Is it hypocrisy? Indifference?
Neither! Claims the brain – and life goes on.
And yet, the mind falters…

Words spring forth where they never did
A different emotion –
Fear and apprehension, under the guise of nonchalance and a purported distance.
The brain claims to do its bit
For society, for family… for oneself?
And yet…

Other things claim precedence
Exams, submissions…
Things as mundane as lunch and the heat.
A deja-vu – of when ajoba died.
Random thoughts – some old, some new
The ability to forget, and get on with life
The same self doubts, the same questions.
The same tranquility?
Perhaps – says a small voice.

A new spring perhaps
Or a new appreciation of those perennial flowers.
A thankfulness – for the spring
And a hope – for the brave smile to persist.

On Exams and Creativity

I have been wanting to start a blog for ages and ages now, and when I finally do, its a day before my EME paper! This made me realise that
1. Exams bring our your creative side.
2. Everything apart from studying starts to appear enticing.
3. #2 happens with everyone, I suppose, but we give so many exams throughout the year that they have lost importance and I unlike others, indulge in all my whims and caprices a day before my papers.
4. This list can go on n on since I love making bulleted lists!!..

Why exams induce creativity is amply clear from the fact that yesterday at this same time, my head was brimming with stuff to write in this post, but post the last paper, I seem to have run out of words! I, who have never even come close to writing poems in my life wrote a very inspired and heart-felt one day before... On examining my diary yesterday, I realised that most of my entries have come during the exam. Stuff as diverse as playing the casio, sketching, dancing, all suddenly start seeming to be very very simple during exams.. but alas - the lack of time!

Moving on from exams to my blog, its simply a place where I will share my thoughts, feelings, issues close to my heart and stuff I find interesting. Thats all for now and I hope I will keep this place regularly updated.